Oxford Latest Deafinitions...

The Oxford Dictionary's latest definition of the following words :

DIVORCE : Future tense of marriage

CIGARETTE: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with a fire at one
end and a fool on the other.

LECTURE: An art of transferring information for the notes of
the lecturer to the notes of the students without
passing through the minds of either.

CONFERENCE: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number
present.

COMPROMISE: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody
believes he got the biggest piece.

TEARS: The hydraulic force by which masculine will power
is defeated by feminine water power.

DICTIONARY: A place where success comes before work.

CONFERENCE ROOM: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and
everybody disagrees later on.

CLASSIC: A book, which people praise, but do not read.

SMILE: A curve that can set a lot of things straight. My Filipino
uncle's name too...

OFFICE: A place where you can relax after your strenuous
home life.

YAWN: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
A Filipino word meaning "that's it" in English

ETC.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you
actually do.

COMMITTEE: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to
decide that nothing can be done together. A Filipino word with
multiple meanings, it can be sweet potato, or it itches...or a
slang for a dumb person.

EXPERIENCE: The name men give to their mistakes.

ATOM BOMB: An invention to end all inventions.

PHILOSOPHER: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of
when dead.

DIPLOMAT: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way
that you actually look forward to the trip.

OPTIMIST: A person who while falling from the Eiffel Tower says
in midway, "See, I'm not injured yet."

MISER: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich. Also a "CAt"

FATHER: A banker provided by nature.

CRIMINAL: A guy no different from the rest ... except that he got
caught.

BOSS: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you
are early. A person who is synonymous to a diaper.

POLITICIAN: One who shakes your hand before elections and your
confidence after.

DOCTOR: A person who kills your ills by pills and and then kills you
with his bills.

This is not derived from erap's dyoksyunari..